in transit

May 31, 2008

i still have a few hours to kill before the scheduled bus leaves the station.  i have several options as to how i’d spend my time– go to the mall, watch a movie, surf and chat…. im done with the malling, there’s no cinema here for one and a half years now, and im in an internet cafe right now . …..

i cant count the times ive compared life to a journey.  i still think it’s one of the most apt metaphor for life.   i havent traveled for at least a year and so this trip is something that i’ve dreaded and looked forward to at the same time.  i missed the thrill of being on the move.  perhaps it’s not so much of the movement that excites me as the mindset that i take on when i travel–comfortable with uncertainty, expecting the unexpected and being at peace with the thought.  ……

 

this past year, i have been working hard on permancy.  i’m making  a home and loving it.  it’s not all fun and happiness but it’s something that gives me joy.  the quality of this joy has been very different from the joy i knew before. … there are times when i think and feel that this joy is so much more superficial than the one i knew before…the kind of joy that has no price and stems from awareness of the inner beauty of things….but perhaps it is just a transitional phase that is why i feel that way.  on the other hand, if this is indeed a regression instead of progression … i hope i regain the better "state of being"….. soon……there is one lesson that i have recently relearned last night….."it’s always better to give….always."

attention, distraction and focus

March 8, 2008

focusing on a task has become a great challenge to me, though i have the ability to focus on something to the exclusion of everything else.  focusing or action and the ability to focus are two different things. 

i find it hard to focus because 1) there are lots of distractions these days, 2) i have not set my priorities in order, and 3) there are so many things i want to accomplish.  I have not found a way to balance and coordinate my time, attention, intentions and actions.

One of the behavioral pattern that worked for me before, was to wait until a task is due (procrastinate in other words) because the impending deadline forces me to ignore all the distractions (consciously or subconsciously) and therefore i exercise my will to pay attention only to the task. 

 I am trying to change this pattern because i want to be more efficient, realizing the things i have written just now will help.

in a flux

February 13, 2008

When things are getting out of control and overwhelming as they are right now, I usually force myself to view things from a different perspective.  Pretend that I am a different person analyzing the situation, or that I am looking at the present situation five years after.  It worked before and I am quite puzzled why it does not seem to be working as effectively now.  I suppose it is because there are major changes going on in other aspects of my life (no need to elaborate for now) that i could not really concentrate the full force of my will to just one area. 

On the other hand, this very state of flux or uncertainty is something that i welcome on a subconscious level because it is a signal of new and exciting times to come.  Also, the state of uncertainty means that I am truly involved.  that i care enough for me to feel worried or anxious about the outcome.  Hence, i welcome the feeling. 

i am not sure whether my current state is affected by my search for a coherent philosophy to live by.  so far what i have is a realization that historically, there were several paradigm shifts (at least in the field of science) and it will continue to do so indefinitely.  i somehow likened the paradigms to the seemingly solid object of matter observed at the subatomic /quark level against the backdrop of space.  the movement is so fast, however, that it is difficult to pinpoint exactly where or what it is at a given time.  for me, a dominant paradigm is like seeing that quark (not sure of the exact name) only to loose it, and then seeing it again (in the form of another paradigm) without knowing where it went during the gap of observation.  my thoughts are not very coherent right now and i hope i can get back to developing this one, if there’s some worth to it other than a futile exercise. 

 

Multitasking

February 7, 2008

things i am "trying" to do at the same (well relatively) time

1.  write a quantitative research proposal due tomorrow

2.  write an inagural blog for my new cyberhome

3.  read the journals relevant to the proposal i’m supposed to write and annotate them

4.  think about life in general, and how i deal with and use distractions in particular.

 pretty cool and geeky huh. =D

 

do i need reasons to blog? yes i do.  it’s one avenue for me to activate the right side of my brain (loosely speaking the seat of language, emotion, creativity) because i feel as if i’m using my logical brain (left-side) far too much these days.  the effects on me are 1) i am no longer as mushy, 2) i am not as sensitive to my surroundings and to the emotions of significant people around me, 3) i am far too objective and seemingly heartless.  it’s not such a bad state is it? but i miss my super spontaneously crazy side so here i am.