in a flux

When things are getting out of control and overwhelming as they are right now, I usually force myself to view things from a different perspective.  Pretend that I am a different person analyzing the situation, or that I am looking at the present situation five years after.  It worked before and I am quite puzzled why it does not seem to be working as effectively now.  I suppose it is because there are major changes going on in other aspects of my life (no need to elaborate for now) that i could not really concentrate the full force of my will to just one area. 

On the other hand, this very state of flux or uncertainty is something that i welcome on a subconscious level because it is a signal of new and exciting times to come.  Also, the state of uncertainty means that I am truly involved.  that i care enough for me to feel worried or anxious about the outcome.  Hence, i welcome the feeling. 

i am not sure whether my current state is affected by my search for a coherent philosophy to live by.  so far what i have is a realization that historically, there were several paradigm shifts (at least in the field of science) and it will continue to do so indefinitely.  i somehow likened the paradigms to the seemingly solid object of matter observed at the subatomic /quark level against the backdrop of space.  the movement is so fast, however, that it is difficult to pinpoint exactly where or what it is at a given time.  for me, a dominant paradigm is like seeing that quark (not sure of the exact name) only to loose it, and then seeing it again (in the form of another paradigm) without knowing where it went during the gap of observation.  my thoughts are not very coherent right now and i hope i can get back to developing this one, if there’s some worth to it other than a futile exercise.